Reflections from Uganda | 5/4/20

Don't ask me how its happened but somehow its already over 2 months since I've been home from Uganda. Time is passing by and sometimes I find it hard to believe that I was actually in another country for 7 months. Most days I get so busy with matters at home and with the farm that I don't spend much time thinking about my time in Bukeka anymore. Don't get me wrong, not a day has passed that I don't think about it in some way. But the days of scrolling through my pictures, listening to my 3 favorite Luganda songs on repeat, and replaying voice recordings have gone. Sometimes I feel guilty that it seems that  I've "let it go" so quickly, but mostly I'm just so thankful that my transition home so far has been far better than I thought. It is true though, some days are harder than others and I have all kinds of feelings that well up inside of me that I find it hard to explain. 

There are always the times that I might be overcome with laughter of some hysterical moment like running pel-mel through pouring rain in my Sunday clothes on the way home from church, the countless rat situations, Jajja Odejja with her exuberant wave and persistence in teaching me luganda, or the times when my eyes become flooded with tears when I think of a cherished memory like sitting beside a friend in their sick bed and read them the Bible, the overwhelming feeling of Jesus love & presence during during worship with my brothers & sisters there, and just the plain lonesomeness for my friends & Suubi that put a hole in my heart when I had to leave. Mostly though I just get lost in thought with a smile on my face and remember all the things that fills my heart with pure love & joy like walking the orange dirt path through the village waving and shouting to our friends along the way, about the time I was in a traditional Ugandan wedding, seeing a row of shoes along the cement wall where all the kids are sitting, home visits deep in the villages, cutting birthday cakes with my little students on their birthdays, sitting on the hill behind school talking about Jesus, reading & praying with a friend, and buying our meat along the road in Bukeka town.

"so what do you think your purpose was in going to Uganda? what did God teach you through this journey? what changed you the most? how has your perspective changed?"  

Oh these questions...they're not unfamiliar. Actually if I'm honest they might have gotten harder for me to answer as time went on. I think about them often. And I once again got asked them again recently and as much as I want and desire to give this heart wrenching, deep, moving response, my answer still came out "I don't know". For sure there are things that have impacted me in big ways, and I think my life & thoughts are automatically different because of the things I've seen and been a part of, and little by little the Father reveals bits and pieces to me here and there, but in the whole scheme of things it's hard for me to know all the answers to these questions. My mentor-friend sitting across from me says "I think your right, I think it's ok if you don't know how to answer, because we might not ever know. It might not be for us to know why we do some things." 

I went home filled with thoughts about this. If my life's purpose it to glorify and share Jesus, then this is all I am required to know. The Father doesn't have to reveal anything to me if  He doesn't need or want to, because as long as we are doing His plan for our lives in being a witness for Him it might not go into details beyond that. My journey doesn't have a stopping point in the middle of  this life so for me to try and figure out why God is doing this or that in my life is impossible. Possibly because we never will. As Philippians 1:6 says Being confident of this very thing, that He which hath begun a good work in you will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ, so I might never know anything until we get to heaven. Because that's when everything will be complete. The Father doesn't just stop working in a Christians life until its the end. So when I think about that it's hard for me just to unpack a little snippet of my life because I certainly don't understand a lot of it and its all part of such a bigger story that God is writing and it might not make sense until He completes it. Maybe that's the greatest part of our ministry, is to not know what we've accomplished where God has called us. Because then we might think our story is finished and come to and end and we've completed our work when God really isn't yet finished with us. And maybe He doesn't call us somewhere else for us, it might be for other people. 

Going somewhere else, or being called to do a certain thing is not about me. It never has been or ever will be. So perhaps that's what I can say that I've learned the most. To realize once again that nothing in life is about us, but about a Righteous, Holy, Faithful Father who just wants me to know more of His heart and share His story.